I came across a thing I wrote on facebook two year ago about that Power Rangers fan film that was making the rounds back then. They started work on the real Power Rangers film soon after, and it looks like I was mostly right with my predictions.
Reading this rant made me cringe at times. It's harsh! I've certainly mellowed since then. But it also made me laugh, which is why I have decided to repost it here. Enjoy!
I watched the Power Rangers thing and it was so clearly an over-the-top, “just look how bad this thing can get” parody that there is no way they’re not going to make the reboot movie just like that.
“We were friends, remember?”
“No. I only remember pain.”
The consenting mob housed in the crack-ridden bathtub we call the internet seems to agree: “It’s a parody? Bullshit! This is the real shit, bitch! That’s how EVERY reboot should be! Did you see that sword fight?”
Each and every time. Because people are assholes who lack imagination and are happily fed dog shit regurgitated by the corporate machine.
Just make sure everyone is clad in black leather, talks in one liners with pseudo scientific and/or religious overtones, and displays the personality of a never watered house plant and you’ve got yourself a winner. Make sure to explain everything to death; your boss is a bit slow after all.
Throw in some shoddy CGI, a vague promise of a hidden prophesy (without ever paying it off; you don’t want to offend the sheep), keep close to Save The Cat, go “viral”, and you too can become a grade A remix artist for the Age of Perpetual Adolescence.
“It’s your destiny. You can’t fight it. But your parents…” - Quotes Are Cool.
Since people are more than willing to spend all their money on the Synders and Bays of the world, everything will continue to be a bland pastiche of power fantasies a thirteen year old boy, who can’t talk to people yet, might harbor: “That sword fight is the shit! Stunning work!”
“We’ve gone viral!”
“That’s a good thing now?”
And yes, I do have better things to do than to write 300 odd words on a Power Rangers parody film, but that’s my cross to bear.
Go, go, Power Rangers.